Lived and Learned: Why Different Types of Experience Matter in Neurodiversity Work

There are some things you can only understand by living them.

And when it comes to autism, ADHD, and other forms of neurodivergence, there’s no substitute for experience. But what kind of experience matters? That’s where things get a little more complex.

We hear a lot about “lived experience” and “learned experience” in conversations around neurodiversity—and both can shape how we show up in the world. They each offer something valuable. But they’re not interchangeable, and they don’t always get the recognition they deserve.

Let’s Start with Lived Experience

When people talk about lived experience, they’re often referring to people who are neurodivergent themselves. And that makes sense. Who better to speak to the internal, daily reality of being autistic than someone who’s actually living it?

They know the nuances of sensory overload, the energy it takes to mask, the ways systems fall short. Their perspective isn’t theoretical—it’s embodied. And it’s essential.

But lived experience doesn’t always mean “the diagnosed individual.” It can also describe the people who live alongside neurodivergent individuals—parents, partners, siblings, caregivers.

That experience is also real. It's shaped by:

• Sleepless nights

• Emotional exhaustion

• Unexpected joy

• Relearning what connection looks like

• Fighting systems that don’t always understand or make space

But here's the thing: that lived experience is not the same as being neurodivergent.

As caregivers, we may be deep in the trenches—but we’re looking from the outside in. We don’t always know what it feels like on the inside. And that difference matters.

It doesn’t mean your insight isn’t valuable—it absolutely is. It means it’s just one piece of a much bigger puzzle.

Learned Experience Has a Role, Too

Then there’s learned experience—the knowledge that comes from studying, working, observing, asking questions.

A teacher who has worked with neurodivergent students for decades.
A speech therapist trained in gestalt language processing.
A researcher who’s spent years studying executive functioning.

This kind of knowledge can help guide support, challenge assumptions, and give structure to what we’re seeing. It has value—but it also has limitations.

No amount of learning can replace the insight of someone who’s lived it. Just like no amount of parenting can speak for what it’s like to actually be neurodivergent.

So, What Happens When These Perspectives Come Together?

That’s when things get interesting.

• A therapist who listens to a caregiver’s experience and defers to autistic adults for guidance on what truly works.

• A parent who brings their instincts into the conversation, but still makes space for their child’s voice—even when it surprises them.

• A professional who keeps evolving their methods because they’re learning from the people they serve.

When lived and learned experiences are seen as complementary—not competing—we build systems that are more human, more flexible, and more rooted in reality.

Holding Space for All Kinds of Experience

Whether you’ve lived it from the inside out, or loved someone who has... whether you’ve studied it in a classroom or felt it in your body...
your perspective matters.

But so does recognizing what you don’t know—and staying curious, respectful, and open to being challenged.

At the end of the day, we’re all learning how to do better:
to support with more nuance, to listen with more care, and to honor the stories that aren’t ours to tell—but that we’re lucky to hear.